Handling Fear in Youth Hockey (Part 1)
By Topher Scott
This is Part 1 of an article first published at hockeythinktank.com. It is a must read for any hockey parent. Topher Scott is a Hockey Director of a youth AAA club in Central NY. Special Thanks to Topher for taking the time to share your message.
FEAR.
The youth hockey model…and the youth sports model in general…operates and feeds off of fear. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO). Fear of Judgement. Fear of the Unknown.
The parents feel it. The coaches feel it. The kids feel it. The administrators feel it. The fear factor is crazy…and it’s everywhere.
So I’ve put a lot of thought into where this fear comes from. Why does the youth hockey industry make so many good people go crazy? And how do we get to a place where people can enjoy the experience rather than always looking over their shoulder? I’ll try to answer both these questions below.
Where does the fear come from?
In my opinion, the fear factor in youth hockey comes from two places:
1. The too-early professionalization of youth hockey.
2. The disconnect between parents and coaches.
Too often, and too early, we treat kids like professionals. We treat them like professionals before they are physically, mentally, and emotionally ready to handle it. At too young of an age, KIDS:
Play 70-80 game seasons.
Are being ranked on how they play, for the whole internet to see it.
Are being recruited to “Exposure” camps and “All-Star” teams.
Are being recruited to college and/or junior camps.
Are being coached like adults whose purpose is to win at all costs.
These things certainly affect the kids. Imagine being 14 years old and reading negative reports about your play on the internet. Seriously, for the people reading this that write those reports, imagine your 14 year old self. I’m sure you were mature enough to handle what people said about you, who knew NOTHING about you but saw you play a hockey game or two. I’m sure you were mature enough to let it slide and not let it affect your self-worth. It’s pretty easy for 14 year olds to do that, right?
Or imagine being told that if you don’t make a certain team at 14 years old, your dreams of playing college or pro hockey are done. Yes, that happens. And unfortunately, our industry perpetuates it.
These kinds of things affect the kids for sure…but honestly I think it affects the parents more because it creates the biggest case of FOMO that I’ve ever seen.
Parents want what is best for their kids. And most will go to the end of the earth to try and provide those opportunities for them. The problem is, the early-professionalization of our sport drives the parents to feel like if they don’t do “X”, it will ruin their kids chances at “Y” way too early. There is so much information out there trying to persuade them that the grass is greener on the other side.
If your kid doesn’t play on a top ranked team…
If your kid doesn’t make this tournament team…
If your kid doesn’t apply to this camp…
If your kid doesn’t get seen at this showcase…
If your kid doesn’t have an advisor…
The list goes on and on.
And if you look at the long list of the “If your kid doesn’ts…” very few actually have an impact on a kid’s goals and dreams. 99% of them are pure fluff centered around adults making money off of FOMO. The one statement that should really matter is this:
“If my kid plays for a good coach with a good culture…their chances at getting to “Y” are GREATLY increased.”
I know because I’ve seen it as a college coach…and I know because I lived it.————
Come back next week to read Part 2 !!